When do children enter teenage years? When their ages end in the classic “teen”? Think again! If pre-teen syndrome is a phenomenon, than teenagers are definitely an age before the teen suffix. The point being made here, is that the children we seem to think, will remain so, for a long time, are actually rapidly evolving into youth. The rules of childhood are out by now. Be ready, the fear of the unknown will gradually seep into your days and nights, as your growing child increasingly becomes an alien you don’t know.
Maybe things are not drastic (yet) for you, but teenage mood swings, loss of values, inability to connect choice with consequence is just a notch away from manifestation. Your child who couldn’t bear to be without you cannot be seen twenty feet around you! In this time of storm and fury, child on to your child, no matter what. Connect with your child using these five psychological aspects. Help your child stay grounded and rooted to themselves – to the values of your culture and beliefs.
- Morality and Self-Control
Children learn at six or seven that stealing is wrong and has consequences. Their sense of morality is established during these years. When ethics and moral get more complex in teens, kids undergo rage and rebellion. They experience conflict when feel a wrong action was justified: for example stealing medicine by a poor man for his sick child. At this time, talk to children about religious values. Tell them tales of valor and tales with moral lines. Teach them mindfulness and self-control no matter how long it takes for them to imbibe these values. Never give up. Discipline your child with love and generosity. Loss of privilege will work only so many times. What works is the belief that the child is loved regardless of their behavior.
- Their Relationship with You
Help your child have a healthy self-image. Do you over criticize your children? Do they believe you love them? How do they think of you perceiving them? It doesn’t matter what you think of your children. What matters is what you show them. Let them know you are proud of them. They hear you more than you think they do. Make it clear in your actions and words how much you love them. Be verbal about your love for your child. Let them know that you have high expectations from them. And they don’t have to earn your love to live up to those expectations. Love is unconditional. You are not their boss, but their guardian. As parents, we tend to boss our children, which later on builds a resentful relationship.
- Forming a Self-Concept
Identity is being formed during the pre-teen years. Children weigh themselves in terms of popularity in school, humor, talent and performance in multiple areas. Help your child recognize their strengths. Children compare themselves in appearance and school work and many other activities in more ways than parents notice. Lead them into self-acceptance. Guide them towards their potentials that only you can recognize best as a parent.
- Relationships with Friends
This is the time for friendships, social circles, groups and inevitably peer-pressure. Acknowledge the nature of the friendships becoming deeper and more attached. Be prepared when they feel frustrated and left out. Teach to make the right choices when making friends. Teach then the deteriorating effects of bad – character individuals in their lives. Talk about situations in which they can respond in a healthy way to bullying, drug abuse and other current problems face by teens.
- Succeeding in School
As parents, we want all our children to succeed in school with flying colors. While it may not be possible in all your children, know that comparison in academics can have a great impact on children. The pressures of homework, teachers, general rules, athletics, and the social scene have the potential to exert a lot of pressure. School and grades will continue to be a long-lasting part of your child’s life, so it is important to help them see education in a healthy way. Grades do not define them as a human being, and the most important thing in life is not how well they do on a project. However, this is also an opportunity to teach good work ethic, and to teach them the value of hard work and team spirit. Success lies in the quality of choices made in the journey and not the quantity of points made by the destination.