Is My Child Abducted by Martians or Is It Just a Growth Spurt & Mood Swings?
Like many parents, you might wonder what happened to your lovely, kind, joyful child the moment they hit the tween or teen years. You’re flustered and hitting the wall, wondering what changed. Have you ever wondered why your child suddenly unfollows your wisdom, retaliates over the smallest things, and creates conflicts for no reason? This behavior can start during early tween years, late teen years, or anywhere in between.
Are Emotional & Psychological Changes Less Noticeable Than Physical & Behavioral Changes?
When a child hits puberty, physical and behavioral changes are clearly visible, and that’s all we tend to notice and accept. However, we hope our child still feels the same and makes sense of the world the same way. When they were younger, they followed almost everything we said, albeit with a little tussle. But as they grow, they start questioning everything around them, trying to find answers for themselves rather than just following our words.
Understanding Psychological Transitions in Tweens and Teens
These three self-checklists will help you understand the transitional years of your child better and connect more deeply.
They Are a Toddler in a Big Body:
- Your child is trying to adjust to changes and needs your support more than ever as they make sense of the world. Just as during their toddler years when they explored every nook and corner, they are now exploring their newly transitioned world in a similar way. Their prefrontal cortex (responsible for cognitive abilities like planning, concentration, insight, and judgment) is still maturing until about age 25, so they need more understanding from their loved ones.
They Are Finding Their Place in the World:
- Your child knows your ways and is exploring other possibilities. Have you ever felt confused as a teenager about why certain things were not allowed without any explanation? For example, why is smoking prohibited when friends and others are doing it and seem fine? This confusion often leads to hasty, influenced decisions during the years when the prefrontal cortex is not fully mature. This is the time to handle connections and understanding carefully, or risk losing your child to other influences in our ever-growing digital world.
Create an Emotional Safe Space:
- To understand their needs and changes, it’s crucial to provide an emotional safe space where your child can share thoughts, confusion, and doubts without fear of judgment or punishment. What if your child had a safe space to voice thoughts about smoking and engage in healthy discussions without judgment? This could lead to healthier choices even when you’re not around. Create a flexible space that accommodates both parent and child needs, maintained consistently with empathy and understanding.
How to Implement This Checklist?
Self-Reflective Questioning:
- Question your preconditioned parenting style and beliefs. Reflect on all your “should’s” and “have to’s.” This process requires open-mindedness and curiosity to evolve.
Align with Your Values:
- Sync with your values as a parent. How do you want to show up as a parent? What would you like your child to say about you in a few years? Remember, parenting is in the present, not in the past or future.
Communicate to Connect:
- Compassionate communication skills involve understanding situations non-judgmentally, focusing on needs and feelings, and collaborating to reach a win-win situation.
Is It Too Late If My Child Is Already a Tween or Teen?
These skills contribute to our conscious evolution as human beings and parents, leading to a more fulfilling life with joy and vitality. Learning to live your values, being present, and communicating effectively brings connection, fulfillment, and joy. So, yes, it’s doable and grounded in psychological insights to help you master parenting.
Take Small Actionable Steps:
With our preconditioned mindsets, this might sound overwhelming, but breaking down new skills into bite-sized, actionable steps makes it manageable. Doing this with a group can be more fun. Join our WhatsApp group of like-minded parents working on their skills to evolve and mentor their tweens and teens. You can join a group, attend courses, or have one-on-one sessions—an investment you’ll never regret.
