What happens when we face uncomfortable feelings like sadness, anger, or dislike?
What happens when we see our loved ones facing these uncomfortable feelings?
What happens when we think that their uncomfortable feelings are so trivial?
It is a common scenario for parents and all these things are intermingled in any simple incident of parenting journey.
A child didn’t get toy of his color choice ,felt sadness , we felt its so trivial and we start with the process of erasing those uncomfortable feelings in him either by distraction or lecturing or teaching him a lesson or getting him color of his choice.
The question is what happens within us when we see uncomfortable feelings in our loved ones?
what triggers in us?
Do we also feel uncomfortable or responsible to erase that feeling in them as well as us?
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Based on our experiences in life , we either find it trivial (especially in case of small children’s feelings) or acceptable (in case of our friend being cheated ) or we ignore them just because it triggers some uncomfortable feeling sin us as well.
When we feel comfortable feelings, things going our way, we enjoy, cherish and do get carried away with them but at the same time we do get carried away with uncomfortable feelings as well.
But what if we know how to acknowledge our feelings irrespective of comfort or discomfort?
Just acknowledge the feelings or rather feel the feelings and be aware of the thoughts which are accompanying those feelings.
It might take lot of practice and mindfulness to be aware of feelings in the moment but as a start, how about bringing in awareness and acceptance after the storm has passed.
One practice that has helped me is journaling, which I call written meditation.
As a start, it’s a great practice to do it the start or end of the day and see the trick our triggers play on us. The more we become aware, the more we learn to understand our thoughts and feelings around the incidents.
It eventually leads to building muscle of mindfulness, with meditation, so that we can take a pause in the moment, when we are in the middle of the feelings and feel the feeling without reacting to it. Acknowledge the thoughts and deconstruct them to understand them better.
Meditation is like going to the gym to build muscle of mindfulness and its continuous process which not only includes meditation practice but also feeding our mind with understanding of our thoughts, their origin, deconstructing them to understand our beliefs and influence of surroundings.
So a child feeling sad , triggers our uncomfortable feeling ,may be because we feel responsible for their feelings , or we want them to just feel happy always as that makes us feel happy and in pursuit of happiness , we find the shortcuts of distractions or going with what he wants ,and inducing a spiral mess of pursuit of avoiding uncomfortable feelings at all cost with whatever possible outlets .
HOW ABOUT ACKNOWLEDGING THE FEELINGS, BE PRESENT WITH HIM, NOT TRYING TO ERASE THE FEELING AND CHECKING IN YOURSELF FOR YOUR FEELINGS, THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS AROUND THE SITUATION?
I know it looks like a huge task, but trust me, it’s doable.
Working with consciousness and meditation with myself as well as other individuals, with deconstructing beliefs and thoughts, with practicing mindfulness, It’s a much more peaceful, calm and evolving journey.
I invite you to take steps, may be as simple as journaling, to start with your journey of enrichment and empowerment.